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WARNING! This blog post may rub you the wrong way. After having several negative experiences with people who swear their dog is friendly when the dog isn’t, having paid vet bills after one of my dogs was bitten by a “friendly” dog, and having been injured myself because someone didn’t respect my boundaries – yeah, I’m not keen on strangers petting my dogs.
Walking my dogs is the best part of my day. We get exercise, I get to unwind and enjoy a few miles with my dogs. And I don’t want our time interrupted by well-meaning strangers who want to pet my dogs.
The other day, I had an interesting discussion with a co-worker (who might see this post), and it went something like this:
Coworker: You’ll love my son, he always screams: “CAN I PET YOUR DOG???” as he approaches people because he loves dogs so much. I bet you’d appreciate that.
Me: Ummmm, no. When I’m walking my dogs, I’d prefer to be left alone. My dogs aren’t socialized around children and I can’t predict how they’d react to a screaming child approaching them. I’m already going to be tense when this happens, my dogs will pick up on that, and the interaction may not go well.
Coworker: But it’s polite that he ask first instead of just running over to you and you can just say “no.”
Me: Or, you can just watch us walk by from afar and leave us alone. I don’t walk my dogs so that they can be pet by strangers and if my dog bites your excited kid, you’ll be mad at me instead of asking yourself if it was a good idea to approach a woman walking a pack of dogs who you don’t know.
Paraphrasing a Discussion
My Dogs
If you’re new to my blog, you don’t know me from Adam, which means you don’t know my dogs. Over the years, we’ve had eight dogs (not all at once) with different personalities.
I usually walk multiple dogs, and it can be stressful when an off-leash dog is racing toward us, even if the dogs are “friendly.”
The point of this is to share that when I walk my dogs, I’m walking big dogs, and I want to focus on them. I don’t want to have to worry about someone’s child or someone’s exuberant dog. Know what I mean?
Where I Walk My Dogs
Following along with the discussion about this topic on Facebook, it became clear to me that people seem to think that I’m taking my dogs to areas populated with dog lovers and snapping, “No! You can’t touch my dogs!” and tossing out a few swear words too.
No. That’s not what I’m doing.
I walk my dogs in areas and at times when we’re least likely to have our walk interrupted. I don’t take my dogs to areas near a park with children or on a path heavily populated with other dog walkers and joggers.
I keep to myself because I don’t want to be social while walking my dogs.
How and When I Approach Dogs and Their Humans
I live in the Pacific Northwest, and I see dogs every day. We’re in the land of “every day is Take Your Dog to Work Day,” and I love it. So I have approached people to ask if I could pet their dog, but before I approach, an assessment is necessary:
1 – Is the person in a hurry or exhibiting the “don’t bother me” signs?
This person is walking purposefully, and if they have a small dog, they may start carrying it to make tracks faster. This person may also be wearing earbuds or headphones, talking on a phone, or intentionally refusing eye contact.
Except for the small dog, this is me when I’m walking with my dogs, and I genuinely don’t want to be bothered. Usually, when someone is open to having you approach, they make eye contact as they smile in recognition of a fellow dog lover. I feel more comfortable asking if I can pet their dog when I get that smile.
2 – Is the dog open to my approach?
It’s not just the dog owner that I need to consider. I also need to take stock of the dog. If the dog is alone and looking for his or her owner, then I leave the dog alone. If the dog is overexcited and anxious (jumping, barking, growling, hackles raised, tail tucked down – there are many signs), then I won’t add to the dog’s anxiety by touching/petting the dog.
From personal experience, when one of my dogs is anxious, my focus is to get my dog out of the situation. If someone approaches us, I get more anxious, which my dog picks up and worsens. So when I see a nervous dog, I smile from afar and move on.
Cyclists are The Best!
I’m confident that there are more steps we can take to determine if it’s okay to approach a dog and their human, but the above is what works for me. I have cyclists to thank for that too. I often walk my dogs on a popular trail near our home, and we walk past many cyclists on our 3-5 mile trek. I love that 99% of the cyclists will keep it moving, and I appreciate this. They love dogs and often say, “hey, pooches!” as they ride by, but no one stops to pet my dogs.
And I appreciate that!
When walking my dogs, I don’t want to chat with strangers about their stories. I want to walk, enjoy the day, watch my dogs, and maybe listen to a book or podcast. And yes, I’ve heard all of the jokes. I don’t them as long as the comedians keep it stepping:
- Who’s walking whom?
- Looks like you need a sled!
- Those dogs look like they’re walking YOU!
- Ahhh, so the dogs decided to take you for a walk, eh!
- That’s a lot of dogs you have there!
And, finally, no, I’m not a dog walker, dog breeder, or pet sitter. I’m just a crazy woman with a ton of dogs. Leave me alone!
Children and Dogs
So, if you have children, you may be reading this post written by a woman who is obviously an introvert and seemingly hates people. I don’t hate people (although I do love dogs more), and I don’t hate children. What bugs me is when someone feels that what they want (or what their child wants) trumps the comfort of my dogs (or me).
When you allow your child to approach me, a stranger, and my dogs, you’re assuming that my dogs have been socialized around children. They haven’t. My dogs haven’t spent time around children because I don’t spend time around children. I don’t actively avoid children; I don’t have any kids, and few of my friends have kids.
While I think it’s GREAT that people teach their children to ask if they can pet our dogs before approaching, I hope they’re also teaching their children that if we say “no,” then we need them to walk away with no hard feelings.
You’d be amazed at how often I’ve had adults run towards me with their children or dogs while I’m walking my dogs and get mad when I tell them they can’t pet (or otherwise interact with) my dogs.
I don’t want to argue; I don’t want drama.
I only want to walk my dogs in peace. That’s all. Leave us alone.
Wow! Bad Attitude to Have ~ Facebook Comment
The conversation on this topic on Facebook is an excellent mix of people who agree that pet parents are allowed to set boundaries and people who think I have a terrible attitude and unsocialized and ill-mannered dogs. I share this blog post every year in March, and the mix of comments never changes.
My Dogs Are My Responsibility
The people who think I have a nasty attitude are partially correct. When protecting my dogs, I can develop a very bad attitude.
Thanks to people who approached my dogs while on a walk…
- Rodrigo has been to the vet twice after being bitten by a “friendly” dog.
- A woman threatened to call the police on my “aggressive dogs” when I politely told her over-excited children that my dogs were in training and asked that they not approach.
- In a separate incident, the police did contact me after someone complained about my aggressive dogs again because I said “no” when they asked if they could pet them.
- I’ve had people call me names, including racial slurs, as they stomp away, butt hurt because I won’t allow them or their children to pet my dogs. One person left, then came back in a car, screaming at me as they drove by – scared the crap out of Zoey, and she slipped her harness and took off (not far).
- I’ve gone home with injuries after someone unleashed their dog to come to say “hi,” and I was knocked to the ground.
Like I’ve said, I usually walk three or more dogs, and they are my entire focus. A stranger’s hurt feelings aren’t my responsibility. I don’t stomp around glaring at people but set boundaries to protect my dogs.
My Dogs Are Socialized
And to the person who believes that my refusal to allow my dogs to greet strangers (dogs or people) means that my dogs aren’t socialized, please take a moment to learn what socialization entails. I used to think socialization included introducing my dogs to people and other dogs. As a result, I took my dogs to the dog park (bad idea for us) and would allow any and everyone to greet them (bad idea for us).
Socialization aims to help a puppy become used to different sights, sounds, and smells, so they don’t develop anxiety when introduced to new things – like bicycles, riding in cars, or walking in new places. Socialization doesn’t only mean introducing our dogs to strangers.
I socialize my dogs, one at a time, by taking them to dog-friendly businesses. When we go to these places, I understand that people will want to pet my dogs – it’s expected, and I’m here for it.
Reactive Dogs aren’t Unsocialized Dogs
There is a myth that reactive dogs weren’t socialized. I understand why someone would feel this way, but it’s untrue. People often think a reactive dog is aggressive because of the barking and lunging – Rodrigo looks insane when triggered. But, with my dogs, this reaction is fear-based.
I’ve learned to pay attention to my dogs, understand their triggers, and set them up for success. Rodrigo is triggered by bicycles, so I only walk him on paths with plenty of space. Strangers trigger Zoey, so I don’t allow people to pet her and keep her beside me.
And doling out training treats as we walk helps too.
I Don’t Want to Teach People How to Interact with Dogs
I recognize that those of us who have dogs have an opportunity to raise awareness of how to interact with dogs. I share my experience through this blog and on social media. But when I’m out with my dogs, I want to focus on my dogs. So, I’m always polite when declining someone’s request to pet my dogs. I do not owe anyone an explanation, I do not want someone to try and change my mind, and I do not respond to bullying or threats.
At the end of a day or week, I want to walk, in peace, with my dogs. I don’t want to educate people about how to approach my dogs, I don’t want to discuss dog training and behavior, and I don’t want to defend my right to set boundaries.
I want to walk my dogs in peace.